Gayle will be appearing on a new show on the Oprah Winfrey Nework.
A new documentary-style show, called "My Mom and Me," will be launching in late 2011 or early 2012 on the Oprah Winfrey Network. Gayle will be appearing as the therapist on one of the episodes.
The production company, Firecracker Productions, spent several weeks filming the episode about a teen girl and her mother in Dublin, CA. Gayle found her days shooting with the family to be both immensely challenging and extremely rewarding.
A big welcome to Jeremy Sinkinson, Gayle's new intern
Jeremy is a Marriage and Family Therapist Intern, and he's been working with Gayle since summer 2011. He has a neuroscience background and has studied how the brain functions to either promote mental health or create mental difficulty.
Welcome, Jeremy! Visit his site
Gayle will be leading conflict-resolution
workshops for parents and teens.
Oasis For Girls is a San Francisco program that empowers girls and young women to become strong and creative leaders in their communities. Gayle will be leading workshops at Oasis in late 2011 and 2012.
Welcome to Gayle Paul's website. Thanks for dropping by.
Gayle Paul is a licensed psychotherapist, author, and expert in parent-teen conflict resolution, based in San Francisco. You may have seen her in Teen Vogue , The Therapist magazine, or KRON-TV. She's built a reputation for combining a deep knowledge of psychology with a uniquely approachable style.
Media Experience
Gayle's insights have apeaered in both print and broadcast media. She is often interviewed by journalists seeking her uniquely accessible commentary on current events from a psychological point of view.
A new documentary-style show, called "My Mom and Me," will be launching in late 2011 or early 2012 on the Oprah Winfrey Network. Gayle will be appearing as the therapist on one of the episodes. The production company, Firecracker Productions, spent several weeks filming the episode about a teen girl and her mother in Dublin, CA. Gayle found her days shooting with the family to be both immensely challenging and extremely rewarding.
Teens & computers & phones, oh my!
Gayle was quoted in an article about teens and technology in a recent issue of Teen Vogue .
Using psychology to spot terrorists
In September 2007, KRON-TV in San Francisco ran a special report on terrorism and psychology. Gayle was interviewed for this story.
Article on couples in The Therapist
An article by Gayle, entitled, "He Said, S/he Said: Untangling a Complex Couple Dynamic," appeared in the May-June 2006 issue of The Therapist magazine.
It's a case study which shows how a husband and wife can maintain a healthy marriage while allowing the husband to express his need to gender bend.
This is an example of the fact that good communication is a universal marker of a healthy relationship, even if many other aspects of their lives fall outside the norm.
©2011 Gayle Paul. No animals were harmed in the making of this web site.
Psychology of mean girls
Teen Vogue's writer on psychological issues interviewed Gayle for an article about teen-aged girls and bullying that appeared in the August 2006 edition of Teen Vogue .
Gayle's experience working with teen girls at several residential facilities for teen mothers in San Francisco, and also the court-mandated educational facility for teen drug abusers in Marin County, California, provided her with an unusual amount of first-hand observational experience to bring to this complex topic.
.
Media Experience (Cont.)
Book Review: Over the Influence
Gayle's review of Over the Influence: The Harm Reduction Guide For Managing Drugs and Alcoho l originally appeared in The Bridge . Given the somewhat michevious title of "Harm Reduction for Joe Six Pack," her review of this influential book suggests that it captures the less formal "can do" spirit of harm reduction, which stands in marked contrast to the disease model of addiction.
Teens and psychotherapy
Gayle was interviewe for an article about girls and psychotherapy that appeared in the May 2005 edition of Teen Vogue.
Article: Teen substance abusers
Gayle's article about working with an adolescent substance user appeared in the Nov-Dec 2004
issue of The
Therapist.
Titled "Doing An
End Run Around
Resistance,"
it showed how to
reach teens by
avoiding heavy
handed tactics.
Articles by Gayle Paul
Gayle has written a number of articles on aspects of psychology. On this page you can find a sampling.
" Harm Reduction for Joe Six Pack"
A review of Over the Influence: The Harm Reduction Guide For Managing Drugs and Alcohol
The Bridge, Fall 2007
Harm reduction, one of the
alternatives to the disease
model of addiction, has
slowly been gaining
acceptance in the
psychological community. Over the last ten years, a number of books have been published that explore the various facets of harm reductionand extend it in new directions. These books have by and large been aimed at addiction professionals.
Now there's a new book that brings the principles of harm reduction to.(cont)...
"He Said, S/he Said: Untangling a Complex Couple Dynamic"
The Therapist, May-June 2006
My new client sat across
from me with her hands
folded in her lap. Irene,
(not her real name) was in
her early forties. She
fidgeted, her generous body in constant motion as she tugged at her cropped brown hair.
Irene's Story
Irene had a problem, she said, and the problem was her husband of five years. When they first married, he had been zany and fun-loving, a joyful addition to her life. A few months ago he had lost his job, and instead of looking for more work, he sat passively in their apartment. Irene sent out resumes on his behalf, and called to set job interview appointments for him. Robert (also a pseudonym) didn't go to any interviews. He didn't refuse to go; he simply sat and could not be prevailed upon to leave the house, or even move. (cont)...
"Doing an End Run Around Resistance:
Working with the Adolescent Substance Abuser"
The Therapist, Nov-Dec 2004
Many therapists get
frustrated when working with
teens, especially in the
context of substance abuse.
Adolescent clients are often
forced into therapy by their parents or other authority figures, and often resist buying in. Resistance to treatment, missing appointments, arriving late, and spending therapy sessions talking about peripheral issues are all assumed to be an indicator of poor motivation (Denning, 2000). Attempting to meet the resistance head-on may only make it worse. As a consequence, the therapy can get bogged down, and therapists may experience countertransference. Feelings of I'm failing, I'm being rejected, and Im frustrated are not uncommon. Sometimes, especially with teens, it can be helpful to take another tack.
Miller and Rollnick (1991) define (cont)...
private practice with supervising interns and working with organizations. She treats individuals, couples, families, and teens. She's able to quickly analyze even complex problems, and then articulate clear solutions. Her engaging style helps her lead clients towards resolution. "I meet people where they are and build on the strengths they have," says Gayle. "My approach is very collaborative, so its non-threatening."
Gayle Paul received her B.A. from the University of California, Berkeley, and her M.A. in Clinical Psychology from the San Francisco School of Psychology. She is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and she founded the Happiness Institute in 2010. Her advanced training includes treatment of anxiety and panic, eating and body image disorders, substance abuse and addictions, and peak performance training for executives, athletes, and other performers.
You can reach Gayle at 415-412-9674.
Or you can contact her via email at GaylePaul_comcast.net.
Biography
Gayle Paul is a successful San Francisco based licensed psychotherapist, author, and expert in parent-teen conflict resolution. Her appearances in Teen Vogue , The Therapist magazine, and KRON-TV have built her a reputation for combining a deep knowledge of psychology with a uniquely approachable style. Gayle's special ability to connect with teenagers has earned her the sobriquet of teen whisperer. And she demonstrated this talent once again during the taping of the new Oprah Winfrey Network show, "My Mom & Me." Gayle's episode will be airing in late 2011 or early 2012.
Gayle also has a background in business. For over ten years, she was in account management at several of the world's largest advertising agencies, working for Blue Chip clients. This experience with the corporate environment, which is unusual for a psychotherapist, enables her to connect well with her clients who come from the worlds of business and the professions.
Gayle balances the demands of a thriving
Her San Francisco office is in Hayes Valley, land of cutesy shoe stores and the (in)famous Bluebottle Coffee. Here's the address:
Gayle Paul
423 Gough Street
San Francisco, CA 94102
"Harm Reduction for Joe Six Pack" (cont - 2)
... the general reader. This book, Over the Influence, reflects the coming of age of harm reduction as a therapeutic alternative. It's focused on what works and how to do it.
Harm reduction is sometimes described by its practitioners as holistic and humane. In Over the Influence , it comes across as realistic and doable. The book coolly walks away from the moralistic overtones that have dominated this field for the last hundred years, providing instead a practical course of action with the conciseness and clarity of a workbook.
Power to the People
Over the Influence is aimed at reaching people who often opt out of therapy. By giving them the tools to explore their relationships with psychoactive substancesincluding evaluating both the benefits and the harm they may have suffered, this book opens a door to those who would normally stay far away from
anyone labeled "counselor" or "addict." The authors accomplish this through the use of conversational language, humor, worksheets that readers can fill in, real-life stories, and information presented in dialogs. For example, the book opens with, "Do you know anyone with diabetes who has ever been refused insulin by his doctor because he wont stop eating ice cream or drinking alcohol?" In another section, the authors make it clear that readers have at least two choices regarding their drug use: "1. Change. 2. Don't change." And later, readers are offered such practical advice as an entire chapter on "How To Take Care of Yourself While Still Using."
The underlying assumptions are clear: People have the power to choose and make large-scale decisions that will affect their lives. With this kind of empathetic approach, Denning, Little, and Glickman are clearly striving to make information available to as wide an audience as possible.
Tested in the Real World
Two of the authors of this book are
directors at the Harm Reduction Therapy Center in San Francisco. Patt Denning, PhD and licensed clinical psychologist, has served on the faculty of two schools of psychology and is widely recognized as an expert in drug treatment. Over the Influence is a popularized version of the ideas she first set out in her 2000 academic work, Practicing Harm Reduction Psychotherapy . Jeannie Little, LCSW, is the Executive Director of HRTC and trains other mental health professionals on chemical dependency, dual diagnosis, harm reduction, and group treatment of substance abuse. And Adina Glickman, LCSW, has been guided by the principals of harm reduction since the beginning of her work as a therapist.
This wide array of clinical experience has given these well-established professionals ample opportunity to try out their theories with real peopleand thus refine their approach.
If you're considering trying the harm reduction approach with your clients, you may find this book to be a useful information resource to (cont)...
Practicing Harm Reduction Psychotherapy: An Alternative Approach to Addictions.
Patt Denning, Jeannie Little, Adina Glickman. Guilford Publications, 2000.
Responsible Drinking. A Moderation Management Approach for Problem Drinkers.
Fred Rotgers, Marc Kern, Rudy Hoeltzel. New Harbinger. 2002
**********************************************
©2007 Gayle Paul, M.A., and Christopher St. John.
"Harm Reduction for Joe Six Pack" (cont - 3)
...recommend to them. While not something that can be scanned in an adternoon -- it's no comic book -- Over The Influence has the information and the street-smarts to reach those who may need it most.
Other Resources on Harm Reduction
Harm Reduction: Pragmatic Strategies for Managing High-Risk Behaviors.
G. Alan Marlatt, Ed. Guilford Press, 1998.
Harm Reduction Psychotherapy: A New Treatment for Drug and Alcohol Problems.
Andrew Tatarsky, Ed. Jason Aaronson, 2002.
Motivational Interviewing: Preparing People for Change (2nd ed).
William R. Miller and Stephen Rollnick. Guilford Publications, 2000.
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"He Said, S/he Said" (cont - 2)
...As I talked to Irene more over several visits, more details came out. Robert would not go out and get coffee with her or meet friends for lunch. Robert would not pay bills, wash dishes, or put gas in the car. And finally: Robert was feeling suicidal.
Robert's Story
I met with Robert. He was a slightly-built man with delicate features and bright blue eyes. It was clear he was depressed, but I had a hunch there was more to the story. He hinted at secrets. Over the course of several sessions, I tried to draw him out. He started talking about gender bending. At first, he refused to be specific about what this meant. Then, one day, the whole story spilled out.
He told me that since his early twenties, he had occasionally dressed in female clothing and gone out to clubs in San Franciscos (predominantly gay) Castro District. With his slender figure and small features, he would have been able to pass as female, but passing wasnt his goal. In
fact, he usually made a point of mixing aspects of masculine and feminine attire and presentation, e.g. painted nails, lipstick, and five oclock shadow.
He took on symbols of womanhood (womens jeans always fit me best) to get in touch withand expresshis own feminine side. He wasnt sexually attracted to men. In fact, in his younger days, when he had considered getting a sex-change operation, he had always imagined himself as a lesbian-to-be. The primary reason for going to the Castro District was that this was a safe place to experiment.
Robert had been doing this regularly for about fifteen years when he met Irene. Early on in their dating phase, she insisted that he stop all aspects of his gender bending. He was reluctant, but finally agreed because he valued their relationship. However, this loss of a vital part of himself had gradually undermined his joy of life.
Digging Deeper
I saw Irene and Robert both separately and
together for several months. Over time, a clearer picture gradually emerged. Among other things, Irene experienced Roberts gender bending as a form of competition with her own femininity. She had often felt uncomfortable and awkward with her identity as a woman, and she felt that Robert was a competitor in this area. Indeed, she sometimes felt that he was a better woman than she was. A large portion of her ultimatum to Robert early in their relationship had to do with this perceived competition.
Irene also felt unappreciated for all the work she had done to maintain their household and their relationship. With his depression taking him out of the picture as a partner, she had to pick up the slack. Robert felt nagged and thus found it hard to appreciate her efforts. Since stress increased his desire for transgender behavior, the nagging led to a greater drive for gender bending which he was unable to act on. He was caught in a bind. This made him more passive, and made her more angry, and then more cut off emotionally.
Robert said that he wanted to save (cont)...
"He Said, S/he Said" (cont - 3)
...save his marriage to Irene. He maintained that he was very attracted to herand also very emotionally attached. Irene, wanted to continue the relationship as well, but not with the wan and lethargic man her husband had become. She wanted the old Robert back.
As I continued to work with this couple, it became clear that Roberts gender-bending was really a non-negotiable issue for him. His identity was primarily built around his feminine side. When he had given this up to get married, he had given up his vitality along with it.
In sum, both partners said they wanted to save the relationship. Was it possible?
Plotting a Course
I set a number of therapeutic goals for Robert and Irene and worked with them in both individual and conjoint therapy over a period of months.
in Irene's therapy, I worked on helping her:
In Robert's therapy, I strove to:
Initially, simply providing Robert with a forum to talk about the fact that he felt crippled without his transgender activities
Ultimately, Irene was faced with a clear choice: if she was willing to accept Roberts overt expression of his feminine side, she could regain the energetic and fun-loving husband she once enjoyed so much. After some consideration, Irene said she was willing to give it a try.
Almost Home
As Irene moved away from seeing Roberts gender-bending as a threat to her own womanhood, she was able to become more emotionally available. And that meant she was able to be with him as he really wasrather than holding out and waiting for an idealized version of her husband to show up. As the pressure came off him to be normal, Robert bounced back from his depression and again became the person Irene had originally fallen in love with. As he became less passive and more capable of effective action in the world, her anxiety decreasedand so did her nagging.
Their satisfaction with their relationship, themselves, and each other continued to build over time as each person relaxed more and more fully into their (cont)...
"He Said, S/he Said" (cont - 4)
unique and accepted roles. It was a good outcome. Maybe one day theyll even paint their toenails together.
©2006 Gayle Paul, M.A., and Christopher St. John.
"Doing an End Run Around Resistance" (cont - 2)
... motivation as a flexible state, and suggest a two-phased strategy they call motivational interviewing. The first stage is building the clients motivation to change, followed by strengthening the clients commitment to change. A number of techniques, as outlined by Patt Denning in Practicing Harm Reduction Psychotherapy , can be very effective with teen clients.
substance abusewith both group and individual therapy components. Regular urinalysis showed her to be a daily marijuana user.
History
Ashley is the younger of two daughters born to married parents who immigrated to the United States from Beijing while in their early twenties. Her parents were successful entrepreneurs who owned an import/export company. Talented in graphic composition and expression, Ashley excelled in art classes from early on. Painting and stained glass were two of her favorite media. And she maintained an A and B average up though the eighth grade.
In general, Ashleys father was domineering, while her mother tended to be passive. Her parents fought often and Ashley was exposed to frequent instances of domestic violence. She began escaping via marijuana and other psychoactive substances at age eleven, and her drug and alcohol use escalated as her parent's marital discord increased. I hypothesized that she chose marijuana for its (cont)...
can be a sign of ego strength. Do not
put yourself in the position of "boss."
Reflect back the client's own
ambivalence and confusions about
his or her drug use.
Heres an example of how motivational interviewing can be implemented in a clinical setting:
Meet Ashley
Ashley (not her real name) is an adolescent I worked with recently in an adolescent substance abuse program. I was her individual therapist and she also in family therapy with another staff therapist. When I met her, she was fifteen years old and living with her mother and one older sister. She had been expelled from her high school for possession of marijuana, shoplifting alcohol and attending classes while intoxicated. She had been placed on juvenile probation, and court-ordered into a school-based day treatment program for
"Doing an End Run Around Resistance" (cont - 3)
...dissociative effect. That would be particularly useful for a child in a home with strife, arguing and domestic violence.
When Ashley was thirteen, her parents divorced. She continued living with her mother. Her father left the family home and began spending long periods of time overseas on business. Although her mother did not withdraw via alcohol or drugs, she considered the post-divorce era to be my time, and paid minimal attention to her daughter. When she did interact with her, she tended to be very invasive. Ashleys father moved overseas, and she saw him infrequently. She also had an older sister, not living at home, who was a weekend marijuana and alcohol user. As Ashleys drug use increased, her school attendance became more and more inconsistent, her grades dropped, and her interest in art diminished.
Cultural aspects: As an Asian-American, Ashley is part of a culture where passivity for girls is commonly valued.
Program Overview
When I began working with Ashley, she was in a 12-step, abstinence-based, day treatment program for teens with substance abuse problems. Participants had to earn points via academic achievement, completing12-step assignments, and therapy participation. Accumulating points enabled them to gradually move up through four levels in order to graduate from the program. Urinalysis tests were performed weekly.
About 50 adolescents entered the program each year. Most stayed on Level 1 for three to four months. The majority didnt get past Level 2, and about a third reached Level 3. On average, two participants reached Level 4 and graduated in any given year.
Therapy: Beginning Phase
For our first few sessions, Ashley had difficulty making eye contact. Instead, she would look through her purse or school notebooks. When setting up therapy appointments, she would come up with many excuses why she couldn't leave
class. I conceptualized her as someone who is frightened of sitting in a room with a stranger. Given her family history, I thought she might be having transference reactionworried that I might invade her, as her mother sometimes did. Instead of scolding her about canceling appointments, I would occasionally make remarks like, "Yes, it's kind of weird to meet with a stranger and talk about yourself, isn't it?" She would nod and look relieved. ( Expressing empathy. )
In response, I thought of slow ways to move towards her. I saw her behavior as an outgrowth of her need to set boundaries with me, so I respected her implied rules. For example, I didn't tell her to put her purse away or insist that she interact with me during the first few sessions. I also noticed that Ashley seemed threatened if I sat across from her and looked at her. She would be more fidgety, distracted, and anxious, and would be even more reluctant to meet again. I rearranged the furniture so we could sit side-by-side, not looking at each other. Her level of anxiety appeared to diminish significantly. ( Rolling with resistance. ) (cont)...
"Doing An End Run Around Resistance" (cont - 4)
...After two months of non-invasive therapy, Ashley looked at me closely one day in a session and remarked on the fact that I wore contact lenses. I concluded that she was able to tolerate being present with another person, and felt comfortable enough to engage and observe.
Therapy: Middle Phase
For the next few months, Ashley talked about her experience in the program. She was not a behavioral problem, not relapsing or acting out in classroom, but she made C's on her school work, participated minimally in groups, and was not moving up the levels. A typical comment: "I could do more school work but I don't feel like it. I don't feel comfortable talking in groups because I don't know what to say. I'd like to be able to go off-campus for lunch and but they won't let me." I would respond by reflecting her awareness of the drawbacks of her behavior: "In order to have more privileges, you would need to complete more school
assignments and participate more in groups." ( Developing discrepancy.)
Some members of the program staff identified her as "resistant to the program." After almost six months of low participation, they wanted to expel her. "She's not buying in. Why is she here?" I defended her by bringing up cultural and psychodynamic issues. For example, in her family of origin, her mother was passive and her father was domineering. A common consequence of assertiveness on her mothers part would be violence from her father. Also, her family was part of a culture in which passivity in females was considered desired and appropriate behavior. Both these factors inclined her to avoid action.
I consciously refrained from presenting her with the possible consequences of the lack of motivation. This enabled her to engage with herself and make her own assessment of her position. I made a point of not invading, but instead listening and presenting names for what was happening. I refrained from judgement and allowed her to embrace the names if they fit. ( Avoiding
argumentation .) Over time, she began to name her own feelings without feeling confused or guilty about them.
I became a person she could be herself with. Motivated or unmotivated: however she came in, I accepted her. In the therapeutic environment, she learned that she could assert herself without being penalized. As a result, she slowly built her self-confidence and powers of introspection.
Therapy: End Phase
One day, Ashley asked "What do I have to do to graduate from this program?" I reacted with surprise and described what she would need to do to move up the levels. She said: "I could do that." I agreed. ( Supporting self-efficacy. )
Suddenly, it was as though she woke up. Once she decided it was valuable to her to move up and get points, she did not have trouble paying attention and excelling. She became the top point scorer in the school for the next fifteen weeks. And she grew more and more into the identity of (cont)...
coax her out of her static stance and show her that it was safe to act in the worldand be a part of it.
©2004 Gayle Paul, M.A., and Christopher St. John.
"Doing An End Run Around Resistance" (cont - 5)
...a person who set goals and reached them.
Fifteen weeks later, Ashley graduated from the program. She was released from probation, and returned to her mainstream high school. Shell complete her high school degree next year. And shes planing to go to college to "possibly study art."
Conclusion
Pushing Ashley did not work. Anything which could be even remotely construed as domineering caused her to withdraw further into her protective immobility. Instead of presenting myself as an authority figure, I acted as a witness and a consultant. Following the techniques outlined above, I showed empathy, mirrored her awareness of the drawbacks of substance abuse, did not present arguments, reflected her ambivalent feelings, and supported her sense of her own efficacy. By letting her take control, and move at her own pace, I was able to
If you get there with a few minutes to spare, there are several fun cafes in the neighborhood.
Bluebottle Coffee (home of one-cup-at-a-time) is on Linden Alley. And Ritual Coffee is on Hayes Green at the corner of Hayes and Octavia.
towaway zone from 4pm to 6pm in front of the building on Gough Monday through Friday.
The office is about a 10 minute walk from the Civic Center BART station. The Muni 22 bus will drop you off at the corner of Gough and Hayes.
Contact
The fastest way to reach Gayle is by calling 415-412-9674.
Faxes may be sent to 415-333-9913.
You can also reach her via email at GaylePaul_comcast.net.
Her San Francisco office address, where mailing and billing correspondence may also be sent, is:
Directions
Gayle's San Francisco office is not far from the Opera House and Civic Center:
Free parking is available on Grove, Octavia and Ivy Streets. There is metered parking (usually 2 hours) available on Hayes and in front of the building on Gough, and it's free after 6pm. Parking is usually easy to find, but can be difficult after 6pm on Thursdays and Fridays. Please note that it's a
